Reflection: Study Happiness.
Recently, I’ve been re-visiting the Prince Arjuna’s Questions book. Living the Gita and PAQ were my first introduction to Seeking (two years ago). One of the questions that has been relevant to me recently is when Prince Arjuna asks: “What is grief?” Shri Krishna’s response (BG 2.11): grief is forgetting one’s true nature. Death is a part of life, yet many times we feel we are immune to it! Four years ago, someone very dear to me became seriously ill. To me, it seemed that my life had turned upside down. I remember those early days, the tear-soaked pillows, the gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach, the fervent prayers: Dear God, please heal her, please work a miracle. But over time, the illness became a part of life; most of the time, I forgot it was there…that is how good she was at practicing prasada buddhi (choiceless cheer)!
When I started college, I morphed into a Searcher, chasing after the temporary – fascinated by transactional success. I suffered for it; it became difficult to cope with grief, and I placed utility in the external world to distract myself – perhaps an ABC could fix my problems – or so I thought. I still prayed, but these prayers were fast, not concentrated enough, not contemplative enough. I was young, naive, ignorant. When I had spun down the void of samsara enough, the Lord worked a miracle. He opened my eyes, and a set of divine interventions placed me on the path of Seeking. Training, training, training – I loved soaking up the Living the Gita class, and then starting BG in Meaningful Mornings.
Srimad Bhagavat Gita is truly my Mother – through Meaningful Mornings, She has watched over me these past two years – through the ups and downs. Training, training, training – and then a test. But I failed, and the Blessed Lord had to work a miracle once more. Finally, it took God’s hand to make me a full-time Seeker. Yet, it is now time for another test: Grief is forgetting one’s true nature; Peace is following our svadharma. The clock is ticking, 30 days is what the doctors are giving. I will be honest, the tear-soaked pillows, the fervent prayers, pleading to Him to work a miracle – they happen. But at the same time, my prayers shifted – they are more concentrated now, and I feel a simultaneous sense of peace – I know that her choiceless cheer, likhita japa, faith in God will blossom into Chapter 8’s verse, where Shri Krishna states that if one thinks of Him in the moment of death, then they will attain Him. I pray to the Lord that this is what happens.
Happiness is working hard, to not slack, to follow the path of shreyas (long-term vision), to be a full-time Seeker. We cannot rest until we reach the ends, we must be vigilant, we must be strong, we must practice prasada buddhi and arpana buddhi. And then, the Blessed Lord will work a miracle once more – we just have to open our eyes to see it. Gratitude to God-Gita-Guru, and praying to Shri Krishna for strength to navigate through what is to come.